Researchers have identified the key to happiness for the rest of your life. You might not want to hear it, though.
One clear conclusion about what constitutes a meaningful existence has been achieved after 85 years of research in the world’s longest scientific study of happiness: excellent relationships with other people, forged by frequent, quality contact.
The only issue is that they’ve also found that humans generally struggle to make these connections.
We simply “underestimate the positive effects of human interaction,” write the leaders of the multigenerational Harvard Study of Adult Development in their new book, “The Good Life: Lessons from the world’s longest scientific study of happiness.”
And the advantages may be enormous.
Their research demonstrates that two of the key indicators of our pleasure in life are the quantity and quality of our interactions with other people.
Research has revealed that having healthy relationships might help you live a longer, pain-free life, so the benefits go beyond just the emotional ones.
According to the book, “We need other people to interact with and support us, and we thrive when we give that same connection and support to others.”
“The basis of a fulfilling existence is this practice of giving and receiving.”
Here are 5 of their recommendations for regularly establishing relationships with other people in your life:
1. Discuss Your Struggles, No Matter Where You Are In Life
Wherever you are in life, Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study and co-author of the book, emphasizes the value of creating space in your relationships for talking about your problems.
He admitted to Insider, “I used to believe, ‘well, I’m never going to moan about my health the way my parents do.
But as I become older, I see that we discuss a lot about our health when we’re with friends who are around our age, and I don’t restrict that.
From adolescence to old age, the book breaks down adult life into 4 separate stages and explores how our needs evolve.
2. Get To Know Your People
According to Waldinger, everyone wants to feel heard and understood.
No matter how long you’ve known someone, being genuinely curious about them is one of the finest ways to make your friends, family, and other social connections feel that connection with you.
We must allow ourselves to be intrigued by what the other person is truly interested in, according to Waldinger.
It’s not always simple to do this.
The psychiatric professor recalls how much his kid loved Japanese manga comics and graphic novels when he was a teenager.
It seems foolish to him, he said.
Waldinger learned that there was a reason why his son became interested in comic books by putting his preconceived notions aside and engaging in a never-ending pursuit of knowledge.
“What was interesting for me was that Manga has themes in it – issues in them about identity and stuff like that that my son was interested in.”
3. Take Some Time To Give Others Your Full Attention
We need to be a lot more deliberate about where we’re spending our attention, Waldinger added, and the evidence supports this.
He is aware that it can be challenging and that sometimes it seems as though “you have to use a crowbar to pry your attention away” from a device, an urgent task, or a to-do list.
However, the book makes the case that because our attention is our most valuable resource, we must use it – at least occasionally — to completely focus on others as well as on ourselves.
It explains, “Paying attention to someone is a means of honoring the person they are at that very time.
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4. Consider The Relationships You Want To Cultivate
The book doesn’t recommend that we get close to every person we meet in a day or that every connection will benefit from each strategy in the same manner.
One size doesn’t fit all, according to Waldinger.
Instead, he asserted, encouraging social interaction is a lifetime process that calls for self-reflection and understanding your nature.
Check in with yourself first. He advises asking yourself, “Am I as connected to people as I would like to be?” as a beginning point.
And if not, how — what exactly am I lacking in terms of?
The book proposes making a list of your most important relationships, from family to friends.
5. Every Day, Make Connections In Small Ways
Asking someone out for coffee, a walk, or a beer to catch up or learn more about them is one of the easiest ways to connect with them.
Even Waldinger, who employs this tactic frequently, needs to remember to apply it.
I discovered that I could just work constantly once the kids were launched, he claimed. Because I had faith in my research, I had to ask myself, “Okay, who do I want to connect with?”
Then he would make a tiny effort to truly get to know that individual by suggesting an outing, such as going for coffee or a walk.
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